A couple days ago, I had to say goodbye to my best friend. While a lot of the pain has subsided, I’m still missing my little buddy, and I wish so much that I wouldn’t have to live the rest of my life without him. I loved my dog more than anything in the world, and anyone who knows me could back that up. He was my pride and my joy, my confidant, my world, and while the loss of him hasn’t consumed me entirely, my heart still aches horribly. I know that it’ll get better in time, and that he’s still here in a sense, but I wish that I could pet his head and stroke his silky fur just one more time. I miss his companionship and the unbreakable, unconditional love and bond that we shared. This isn’t just a proud owner saying this; it’s from one best friend to the other: you were the best dog ever. I loved you so much and I will continue to love you for the rest of my life. I can’t wait for our heavenly reunion, little guy.

My sweet Lucky, rest in peace.

9/8/2008

D’nno why I felt the need to write here so early. I just did. I’m going to Wal-Mart to get some food for my dog, organizers for all of my make up, maybe a new train case, vitamins, and I think that’s it.

Uhm. Sons of Anarchy is a pretty badass series so far. Josh and I went to Red Lobster last night, ate a crap ton load of shrimp, then went back to his place to watch it. It’s totally a guy show, but the dude who plays Jax is pretty hot so… there’s at least one win in there. ;]

Lucky’s doing a little better. I did some research, and since he’s only been throwing up yellow muscus stuff, I read that it’s because his stomach’s empty and he needs food. The catch? The damn dog won’t eat anything but peanut butter sandwiches. I suppose he’s associated food with vomiting, so he refuses anything I try to give him. Stupid dog is going to starve himself. Wish me luck, I guess. I’m hoping he’ll try a can of wet food or something. Anything at this point, really. Ugh.

Shower time and shopping now. Woohoo.

No, I didn’t fall off of the face of the earth. Just been a little busy. I’ve finally had an obligation-free day – the first in nearly two weeks. My last weekend didn’t really count as days off because they were spent traveling, and then I had to turn around and work a nine day week. It wasn’t terrible. It actually went by more quickly than I had thought it would. I have another six day stretch before my next four day weekend though. That’s not too bad, and I’m sure if I can manage a nine day, a six day will be a cakewalk.

Anyway. My dog’s been sick over the past couple of days and I’m heartbroken. He finally starting eating today after refusing food for about three in a row, and I can’t tell you how freaked out that had me. He’s an old dog, but I don’t think it’s time to start saying goodbyes just yet. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Lucky’s always been a spirited pup, and I just can’t imagine that we’d lose him over a little stomach bug. I guess this has been a real eye opener for me. I’ve always taken his presence in my life for granted, in a sense. If he pulls through this, I’m going to make sure his remaining days are among the happiest. More walks, more baths, more games of fetch, all that. I know it seems crazy to be this goofy about a dog, but he’s been my best friend ever since I was nine years old. Just wait ’til I have kids. Wow.

I guess I need to start being social and productive with my life again. I have nothing really noteworthy to write about. Same old: Desperate Housewives, Josh, work, friends, and just whatever.

Stupid internet.

I just bought all four of the Desperate Housewives seasons on DVD. I can’t get enough of this show.

Not much to say, really. Work is work, and it’s pissing me off. I’m just getting restless again. No big deal. Josh and I have been getting along very well, finally. I’m so glad that my relationship is running smoothly. Free time is spent online mostly, with the occasional outing with friends or whatever. Then there’s still my attempts at piano. Bleh. I think it’s just a matter of time before I stop playing.

Uhm. I got a new pair of glasses this week. They’re nerdstyle and I love them. And I bought a crap ton load of make up at work last night. I hate how weak-willed I am when it comes to sales. After I got my total, I looked at the cashier and told her than I needed therapy, forserious. But then again, new eyeshadows and blush and stuff is always fun.

Going back to St. Louis for my cousin’s wedding. We’ll be leaving on Friday and we’ll probably be back Sunday morning. I still haven’t gotten my dress or a speech figured out. See, these things take TIME, so the whole “Oh btw I’m getting married next month” just hasn’t been flying well with me. Hopefully I’ll have a decent amount of money left over after all of this – gas, hotel, food, dress/shoes, and uhh… I guess that should be about it. UGHHH.

Tagged by Rachie (my long lost sister, lol)!

8 things I must accomplish before I die:

1. Get back into school and get that college degree.
2. Find a good, productive, and fulfilling career.
3. Learn to play as many instruments as possible. Clarinet was a good one. I’m currently working on piano. Gotta get more serious about it though.
4. Visit Japan, Germany, and Italy at least once.
5. Have a couple kids and raise them to be good, honest leaders and productive members of society.
6. Maintain a more healthy lifestyle. Eat better, drink enough water, get enough physical activity, etc.
7. Build up an estate worth inheritance. I’d like to leave this world knowing that my family would be taken care of.
8. Understand the meaning of life.

I’ll update forreal when I’m not so tired. It’s surprising that I would be right now though. I slept until 2PM today. What a waste of a day off. Ugh.

So the St. Louis trip was a good one. Most unfortunately, I was not able to get any pictures because I’m an idiot and forgot my memory card back here at home. I may swipe a couple from Natasha’s MySpace, though she got about as many as I would have gotten. Unless you’re just the designated photographer out at those parks, a camera is just a hassle. I wish I would have known that going out there, because I swear we paid almost $10 in locker rentals that day. Six Flags changed a lot since the last time I was out there. I mean in some bad ways too. The good was that there were several new rides and all that, but I ended up paying an extra $82 for the “FlashPass” so we wouldn’t have to stand in line for 3 hours per ride. On one hand, yes it’s worth it if you’re not up there often and don’t want to spend all of your time standing in line, but my god. That was nearly $100 more than I cared to spend… on top of the hotel room, the regular admission, food, gas, etc. Can you believe that 4 bottles of water ran $14.00? Yes, we had fun, but damn it came at a price.

With all of this travel, I’ve been itching to get out of Memphis more often. It’s not until I leave and really get away for a bit that I come back only to realize that Memphis is crap compared to pretty much everywhere. It’s seriously such a broken city, and it’s a shame because it was a really nice place to live once upon a time. Josh and I were on the phone last night already trying to plan our next getaway. We’re thinking something along the lines of renting a cabin somewhere and doing the outdoors kinda thing. Something that won’t cost us $500 for just a weekend. Ugh.

Gotta get through today and tomorrow and I’ll have four days away from work again. Haha, I love it~! That said, I need to go eat something and start getting ready. I hate the closing shift.

Leaving for St. Louis in a few hours. Just waiting for Josh and Steven to get off work, then we’ll be hitting the road. Maybe I should’ve packed last night. Ugh.

Anyway, I’ll be gone until Monday, but I might have Wi-Fi at the hotel we’re staying at so I won’t be entirely out of touch. Pictures and funstuff to come when I’m back in town. Maybe. Not sure, because blogging will probably be the last thing on my mind as I’m hanging on for dear life on the Mr. Freeze, bitches. LOL.

Just as I was ready to put my domain on the shelf for awhile and walk away in frustration, I stumbled across a few sites that offered more trendy layouts that were right up my alley. Oh, the relief. While I’m still not 110% satisfied with my domain, and as I stated, I probably won’t be until I’m publishing on my own themes, I’m much happier with the overall look and feel of my site now, and I’m more motivated to add to this thing. [/geek]

Last night, Josh and I went to dinner at Chili’s after I got home from work. I hadn’t been feeling all that great over the past week – the physical effects of nicotine withdrawals are such an understated issue when it comes to smokers trying to quit – so I left work about a half hour early. Nausea had been biting at me all week, and with two work-free days within my reach, I was more than happy to take the opportunity to skip out when I did. After feeling like I was ready to hit the floor pretty much all day, I caught my second wind once I was home and I just felt like bouncing off the walls. It was actually kind of retarded, and I annoy myself when I do that.

Thirty minutes later, Josh shows up at my door and we went driving in search of something decent to chow down on. He was in the mood for Mexican, but my stomach wasn’t quite ready for all that. So yeah. We somehow arrived at the conclusion that Chili’s would be a good compromise, so that’s where we went.

Two Long Island Iced Teas later, we were both red in the face, verbally pointing fingers about how “you don’t care about our future and how it coincides with my plans,” and our typical rumbles nowadays. I had ordered a huge burger, but filled up on fries and alcohol because they were easier to handle mid-argument. As we were walking back to his truck, I felt bad. So he had initially started our debate by bringing up a living arrangement plan that involves my brother and his girlfriend that we were planning on doing this spring. Not my fault. However, deep down, I knew that ever since… well. I’m not sure exactly, but whenever it was that he decided to snap out of whatever funk he had been in over the past couple years, he’s been trying to right the wrongs that had been done throughout the first two years of our relationship. Now I’m the one being the jerk about things, and I’m the one being difficult. Well. I mean, you know. He’s no saint, and I get irritated with him about things from time to time, but he’s only human.

Long story still long but coulda been longer – I’m still defensive about things that happened well over a year ago. I’m still carrying a lot of bitterness, and although I keep saying that I’m over it and that I’ve forgiven him, I’ve come to realize that honestly, I never did. I held on and allowed myself to be dragged along in the dirt, but never dusted myself off once I found my footing again. Instead of growing a pair and confronting issues of the past when they should have been addressed, I tucked it away and called it forgiveness.

So at this point, do I call it even and seriously… seriously let go and wipe the slate clean? Is there a way to constructively confront sensitive relationship problems and really pack a punch without doing too much damage? Or is it childish to think that the whole “you can’t have your cake and eat it too” doesn’t apply to me and that I need to realize that there are some things that are just better left unsaid? Somehow, unfortunately, I think that latter is going to be the most realistic mindset. I just need to learn how to comfortably put on my big kid pants and tell myself that enough is enough.

In other news, I will be going to St. Louis this coming weekend, and it’s going to kickass. Josh has never been on a REAL roller-coaster, and I’m glad that I’ll be present for the moment he shits himself on the Batman. I’m ready. I haven’t been on a real get-the-hell-away vacation in about six years. It’s gonna be a good one.

In August, I will be back in St. Louis to take part in my cousin’s wedding on the twenty-third as her Maid of Honor. THAT MEANS A SPEECH. AND A DRESS. EVEN WORSE: A SPEECH IN A DRESS. How terrible. Actually, it’ll be good, and in all honesty, I’m very glad that she’s finding happiness.

SO DRESSES! I’m kinda torn. She’s letting her bridesmaids pick their own styles, but it has to be in this color. I have it narrowed down, but they’re both so cute!

I don’t know. I’m going to go take a look at them and try them on tomorrow. Hopefully all will go well and I won’t end up totally NOT looking forward to having to parade around in one of these. At least I have an excuse to go tanning and get my nails done and all that. At the same time, it sucks because I’m going to have to make an effort to drop like… 10 pounds before then so I won’t look like a blowfish. Ah well. More motivation to get up off my lazy ass and get some exercise outside of work. Ugh.

Politics, I mean.

The world is way too complicated. Whatever happened to tending to yourself and the people you love? What’s the point in all of the labels, boundaries, smears, policies, all of that nonsense?

Whatever happened to moderation? The principle that excess was a bad thing?

What’s so important about politics? No, really. Think about it. It’s like this world has become nothing more than a floating sphere of warring clubs. The instability among the nations has gotten so fucking retarded that I can’t help but to feel apathy. Watching the news and hearing about all of the spats, I just envision a bunch of damn kids waving plastic swords and squirt guns around while crying about who gets to be in charge of the treehouse today. The sad and scary part is that we’re not talking about kids, but grown men and women in charge of weaponry. You don’t get by with just a scraped knee, and you can’t just tell teacher when someone isn’t playing nice. A band-aid and some peroxide won’t do much for a bullet to the head.

I wish the recess bell would ring already. That way, the kids could all go inside together again, quit pissing and moaning about the stupid treehouse, and get some work done. Like that global warming thing, for instance? Can’t run a treehouse that’s not standing. Or maybe world hunger? If I had that many people in my treehouse starving to death, I wouldn’t want to claim ownership or liability.

I’m really tired again. I should stop blogging at 2AM. It makes for a really, really stupid post.